That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Do vagina's smell?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
