Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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