I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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