I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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