a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
