i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
