he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
