Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
