I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
