so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
