you traded sex for a burrito?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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