Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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