I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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