You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize