No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We had sex on a dog bed..
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
