I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
