out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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