apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
