Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
