A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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