You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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