we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
