I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
