i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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