'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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