Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
