I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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