I think I died a long time ago.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
