U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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