So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
you made out with another girl for some wings
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
