went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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