I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
