Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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