are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
i out mim tonsoeep
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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