Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
