my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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