So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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