what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
