Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
