amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
