i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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