i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
