if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
