yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
