college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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