Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
