Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
