New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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