I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
there is puke in my bra ... again
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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