All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
