So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
