I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
