he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
