areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
