Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
