fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
