hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
