what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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