nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Randomize
