you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
