I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
there is glitter all over my balls
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
