I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
