just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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