Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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