hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
