yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
