dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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