I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
