I didn't shave. On purpose
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
